Thursday, July 29, 2010

Flus, Loos and Academy Awards

I have the flu which is hardly suprising as I am getting very little sleep and the kids have all had it. D comes home from daycare reguarly with some contagious germ or snot producing gremlin. He then kindly shares it with the rest of the family. The result is a sleep deprivation for me and usually by the time they are all well and back at school I am dying a slow and steady death at the hands of the germ.

Any sign of a lurking germ and I hit myself with eneough vitamins to  raise Pharlap from the dead. They are usually the size of horse pills and get lodged in my throat. However I can usually keep the germ at bay until all the kids are well again and then like boat people it sneaks in one night as we all sleep. I run a small pharmacy from the kitchen cupboard and have all sorts of weapons of mass destruction such as olive leaf extract and algotene. All of which are supposedly healthy for you but are particularly unhealthy for your wallet and tastebuds. I have a degree in daycare defense and toilet training.

I cannot help it but when I see a child at daycare with a running nose I want to hit the panic button and like in Monsters INC have the child removed at light speed. Its not the germs I'm afraid of but the sleep deprivation and hijacking of my study time. I have had D sick with flu one week, then the following week L sprained his ankle running throught he house with D in pursuit, apparently it was all D's fault. I have never seen so many tears outside of a natural disaster area as there was about football being banned for a week. Apparently if your sprained ankle doesn't kill you then no football will definately do the trick.

I later heard L telling his friends how much it hurt but how tough he was because he didn't cry. Pulllllllllllllese!! I was waiting for someone to knock on the door and say the "ACADEMY AWARD GOES TOO........ L FOR OMG A 2YR OLD MADE ME ( yes made him with his awesome powers) SPRAIN MY ANKLE."
With each retelling the injury grows in severity and L's awesome power to overcome obstacles grows alongside. Thankfully  I was able to utilize my arsenal of pharmacy products to treat the sprain.  I did however have to buy a $20 ankle support that I am positive was only there to recieve the award for best supporting role in a drama.

That week was then followed by both D and S getting the Flu. I have been through an amazing amount of tissues. Why was a mystery until yesterday when I caught D wiping the noses of each toys in his room then flushing them. He must have decided  my rant about how we don't do that wasn't as fun as the toilet. As later that day he tried to flush 4 toilet rolls and then stuffed more tissues on top. I was in shock and awe as I approached the flooding mess. My face of horror and shock was nothing compared to the happy little face that greeted me. He was beaming and that little cherubs face turned to me and he said " me big boy".

Right then I was struck by a huge and painful stab as my toilet training  degree came back and bit me on the arse. You see in my infinite wisdom I had been saying that " big boys use the toilet" " when you finish you flush". Little did I know how literal he would be when he flushed our whole supply of toilet paper and tissues down the loo in a day. I couldn't help but laugh as I relocated all the new toilet paper stockpile I bought to the top off my wardrobe. At least when they grow up I may have an actor and a plumber in the family!

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