It took a great deal of courage to even get out of bed yesterday. I had one of those moments where your feet hit the floor and you just want to recoil and dive under the doona like a heat seeking missile. It was cold, D was standing beside my bed with his nose running profusely and L was hovering in the background talking about his position in the school rugby team and his missing in action mouth guard. All I could think about was getting L to school on time and my need to go to the Uni printers.
Like any true veteran of a war zone I managed to make it through the chaos and get L to school on time. I was even wearing my trusty cargo pants with pockets stuffed full of essential items like tissues and lip gloss. I decided that while I was on a roll I would take the plunge and attempt a mission into the world of campus dwelling pre-child somebodies. D was cooperative and cheerful despite his constantly running nose and S was sleeping blissfully. All indications were that this was an opportunity to get the study materials I needed printed for this semester.
I found a park amongst the cars with P plate signs and parked the Superbus (as it is affectionately known ) amongst the cute little cars. I looked in the mirror and realised D had dosed off. Two things you should know about D, if you wake him before he is ready or he is over tired D stands for Demon. I had already driven out of my way to get there so I wasn't going to waste the fuel. I decided to be clever and give S a bottle so she would behave during our mission into student land.
My downfall was that I was thinking how clever I was to pull this whole show together and maybe I wasn't beyond my societal used by date on campus. I could do this .I could combine parenting, strategy and study. Absurdly confident I packed the kids into the road train double pram careful not to wake D. I managed to find the print room ok and wrestle the door to get the road train into the room, despite stares my courage was unwavering. I sat at the computer road train conspicuously beside me.
I tried to look like I knew exactly what I was doing. I was afterall a with it modern Mum and I could have it all. S was grizzly so I picked her up, D stirred and began to wake. S expelled a loud belch everyone turned to look. I congratulated her and then she vomitted all down the legs of my cargo pants and onto the carpet. D began to whine like a siren as he was waking fully. Realising he was in a strange place he began to demand "home, home, me home". I replied lovingly " soon darling ." So he threw his toy he had been clutching when he fell asleep at the nearest wall making a mark and a deafening bang.
Abort mission! Abort mission! my mind screamed as my toddler thrashed and my baby griped. I was being stared at with horror. There was nothing for it I had to retreat. I strapped S into the road train and tried to look as together and unflustered as I could while I wrestled the door and made my escape. I was mortified at how quickly my lovely children could become a scene from a horror film.
By the time I reached the carpark I was giggling. Then laughing at my own stupidity. By the time I got to the car I had tears running down my cheeks. Life is Absurd!!! What an adventure and what a disaster. Later that day in my favourite PJs I ordered my study materials online with a glass of wine in one hand and three children all bathed and fed and tucked up in bed.
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